With each passing year, I appreciate my marriage to my husband more and more. In talking with my writing friends, we began talking about the joys of “everyday” normal life (after Covid). When the world is shaken and everything turns topsy turvy, taking stock of the regular, everyday, run-of-the-mill things often brings peace and comfort. I think we can all safely say that everyday love is something special. That’s why I wrote this poem about everyday love for my husband.
While the frenetic early years of romantic courtship can be dreamy, settling into middle-aged secure, joyful, reliable love is freeing and wonderful. My husband and I recently celebrated 23 years of marriage (and 28 years together in total).
I can’t imagine what life would be like without one another. We are best friends and love raising our four kids together. It doesn’t mean that everything is easy; we have been and remain committed to navigating the hard, the difficult, and the sometimes uncomfortable seasons of growing together. There are long stretches of peace and short, intense periods of conflict. Yet, we remain steadfast in fighting for our relationship even when things get hard. No one tells you that your marriage relationship will be for sure the most difficult, yet most rewarding relationship of your life. It’s tons of work, but worth it.
There are times we spend lots of time together and are rarely apart (he’s a teacher, so summers are like this for us). There are other times during his coaching season when we have focused hours together based on our mutual schedules. At the end of the day, we remain focused on putting our relationship and our family first above all else.
Things are always busy yet moving toward growth, wholeness, and increasing strength both in our marriage and our family. It’s a byproduct, we believe, of putting God first in all we do; a natural result is remaining focused on the goal to grow our family, teach our kids, and remain connected to one another through it all.
So now, I’ll share with you my original poem, Everyday Love:
Everyday Love
You are everywhere in my life,
on walls and in rooms–
in the ordinary things once overlooked.
Pictures of life’s most sacred
moments remind me of your trueness,
and what you’ve meant to me.
I feel your smile reaching out
through the darkest of days–
your care, your touch, your embrace.
Memories of moments past
and thoughts of good to come–
what could be worth more?
The pieces of love and life
are cemented together with tears and time,
and I am lost without you.
Brief arguments, once roadblocks,
now seem like
immaterial burdens to bear.
Our love is clear,
in truth and purpose–
to guide, care for, and hold dear when times seem tough.
And yet,
my love for you
increases still.
I’m not the only one to think of this phrase, everyday love. Rascal Flatts, a great country band, has a great song called, “This Everyday Love.”
How do you love someone every day?
It seems difficult to love someone that you live with and see every day. You get annoyed by their habits. You tire of their snoring or the way they always leave the kitchen cabinets open. But these things don’t really matter so much; what matters is connecting in valuable ways. When you tire of the little things, it’s usually a sign that there are bigger issues at bay. When was the last time you had a deep discussion? When was the last time you did an activity together you enjoyed doing? When was the last time you had intimate time with one another? All these “to-do’s” are the glue that keep marriages together.
How do you always love your partner?
Loving your partner isn’t easy. But putting in the work to stay committed and to circle back to the reasons why you love them can help ignite the flame. Carving out regular time together to eat out, play a game, or just talk can be the different between no communication and great communication. Keep working at it. Most people need help from professionals. My husband and I have found The Gottman Institute super helpful.
