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How to Be Grateful When You Don't Feel Like It

How to Be Grateful When You Don’t Feel Like It

· In: Faith, Growth, Leaving Christian Science

I have to admit, I have a love-hate relationship with gratitude. Partly because of my religious upbringing, and partly because I struggle with taking on too much. When I hear the command, “Be grateful,” I sometimes feel resentment or even anger creeping up in me. The question is, “how to do be grateful when you don’t feel like it?”

Growing up in Christian Science, I experienced the religion’s emphasis on false gratitude practice as a way of healing yourself. Similar to “name it, claim it” in the health and wealth Gospel tradition, I was often encouraged to ignore my emotions, focus on the good, ignore the bad, and “count my many blessings” –in spite of whatever was actually going on.
 
It’s no wonder that I recoil when I overhear someone say, “Well, you just need to be thankful…” or “You know, gratitude can change your heart…” It’s not that I don’t value the act of being thankful–I do–it’s just that I have struggled with gratitude being a “dose of good medicine” in lieu of having my actual needs met. While it is valuable to count your blessings, it’s also normal and emotionally responsible to be okay with not being okay; to give yourself grace for not feeling grateful or forcing it when you’re struggling.

Empty Platitudes

When you’re trying your best to make it through each day, empty platitudes can fall flat. This year perhaps more than any other, the Covid-19 pandemic wreaked havoc in most of our lives. I’m sure there are many people who don’t feel like getting slapped in the face with the command to “just be grateful.” That’s why I’m taking a different approach here.

In the article, “How to Practice Gratitude When You Don’t Feel Grateful,” therapist  Julie Williamson says:

Dr. Robert Emmons is one of the world’s leading scientific researchers on the subject of gratitude. He defines gratitude as an affirmation of goodness that comes from a source outside of one’s self. He writes that practicing gratitude does not mean we ignore complaints, burdens, or the fact that our lives are not perfect. Instead, practicing gratitude leads us to identify the goodness in our lives, as well as acknowledge the big and small gifts that come from other people and/or a Higher Power to help us achieve this goodness in our lives.”

Change of Heart

Instead of commanding that you turn and be grateful for the things you do have, I’d like to suggest that you lean on God to fill in the gaps and provide hope right in the middle of your messy situation. I often find that I can’t change my own heart–God has to do it for me.

You might have been downsized, lost your job, or are stuck doing work that isn’t fulfilling. 

The Lord is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit.” Psalm 34:18 ESV

[Ponder and Pray]

What is one thing difficult thing you can present to God and ask him to help shift your perspective?


You may have a sick child, a broken down car in need of repairs, a failing marriage, or difficult health conditions. 

My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever.” Psalm 73:26 ESV

[Ponder and Pray]
What is one broken thing you can turn over to God and ask him to help guide and lead?

You may be completely worn to the bone having been “flexible” since March and you’re tired of dealing with so much uncertainty. 

For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope.” Jeremiah 29:11 ESV

[Ponder and Pray]

Can you pick one failed plan from the past year, think about it briefly, then commit this plan or activity to the Lord? Ask him to help you be okay with the loss, or breathe new life into the next iteration of the plan.


You may feel generally hopeless, worried, or scared for what the future holds.
Rejoice always, pray without ceasing, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you.” 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18 ESV
[Ponder and Pray]
What is one fear you are thinking about today? Take a moment to rejoice with God in prayer that he knows your fear and understands your practical needs.

You may feel like tomorrow will be the same as today and you’ve lost hope that things will get better.
The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases; his mercies never come to an end; they are new every morning; great is your faithfulness. “The Lord is my portion,” says my soul, “therefore I will hope in him.” Lamentations 3:22-24 ESV
[Ponder and Pray]
What is a simple routine task that you’re able to do every day? Take a moment to thank God that you’re able to do this task with ease each day.

Finally, you might not realize that Jesus is no stranger to suffering and that he can empathize and relate to your pain. He is here to meet you in a personal way and help you in the space between your life which most definitely includes sin and an unwillingness to allow him to work in the dirty places of your heart. Jesus is available for comfort, refuge, forgiveness–and will not chide you for the difficulties you are facing now.
Since then we have a great high priest who has passed through the heavens, Jesus, the Son of God, let us hold fast our confession. For we do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses, but one who in every respect has been tempted as we are, yet without sin. Let us then with confidence draw near to the throne of grace, that we may receive mercy and find grace to help in time of need.” Hebrews 4:14-16 ESV
I pray that you receive the mercy of Jesus and find help from him in your time of need. Happy Thanksgiving.

By: Lauren Hunter · In: Faith, Growth, Leaving Christian Science · Tagged: #christianscience, appreciation, bible verses, Christian Science, faith in jesus, grateful, grateful practice, Jesus, Jesus faith, mindfulness, thankful, thankful practice, thanksgiving

About Lauren Hunter

Lauren Hunter is a freelance writer, author, HSP-trained life and book coach, musician, and celebrant who loves exploring the big picture of the journey we are all on together. She is the author of two books: Leaving Christian Science and Write Your Journey. Lauren lives in Northern California with her husband and their four children.

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Lauren Hunter is a freelance writer, author, HSP-trained life and book coach, musician, and celebrant who loves exploring the big picture of the journey we are all on together. She is the author of two books: Leaving Christian Science and Write Your Journey. Lauren lives in Northern California with her husband and their four children.

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Johnny Burke profile pictureJohnny Burke
16:42 18 Oct 25
Lauren has been leading worship at our church for several years now and is very skilled musically and vocally. She always ties into the audience with an overwhelming sense of love and care that is able to lead us into a sense of calm and peace and makes for an amazing worship time! I highly recommend her!
Andrea Hurst-Hamburg profile pictureAndrea Hurst-Hamburg
16:00 18 Oct 25
Lauren Hunter—A True Light in Our Community:
I am blessed to know Lauren, a wonderful woman of God. As a Worship Leader, she inspires and leads with her beautiful voice and deep connection to the divine while creating a safe atmosphere allowing worshippers to open up to the Spirit of the Living God.

As a funeral celebrant, her sensitivity and compassion provide comfort to grieving families, honoring each life with grace and love.

Beyond her roles, Lauren is genuine and a supportive friend who embodies Christ’s love. I wholeheartedly recommend her—her service is a true blessing!
Marta Estevez profile pictureMarta Estevez
23:52 17 Oct 25
Lauren did a wonderful job planning and leading the funeral for our dear friend. She guided the family through every decision with kindness and ease, making a difficult time a little more manageable.The service was thoughtful and heartfelt, and Lauren spoke with warmth and sincerity. I would highly recommend her to anyone needing a caring and professional celebrant.
Lysa Golden profile pictureLysa Golden
22:06 17 Oct 25
I attended a friend's celebration of life that was officiated by Lauren. Her warm and sincere presence set the tone for a beautiful time of celebration and sharing.
Louise Leverett profile pictureLouise Leverett
21:09 17 Oct 25
Lauren officiated my Mother's celebration of life service and we could not have asked for anyone more caring and loving. She also beautifully sang several of my Mother's favorite songs. It was wonderful to have one person who could handle both the officiant role and provide the music.
Thank you Lauren ! The whole family appreciates everything you did !
Connie Spade profile pictureConnie Spade
19:58 17 Oct 25
Lauren was absolutely wonderful at my loved ones funeral this year. She is so kind, compassionate snd very professional. Her voice is angelic and she officiated the funeral so well. It went so smoothly. She is supportive in every aspect of a very difficult time.
Response from the owner 20:23 17 Oct 25
Thank you for your kind words, Connie.
Jathan Good profile pictureJathan Good
19:11 17 Oct 25
Lauren is amazing. She has a wonderful way of connecting deeply with people very quickly, making you feel welcome, seen, understood and loved. Her heart for people and for God are evident. And yet at the same time she is very respectful and professional, meaning she follows through with what she says, and does a great job at whatever needs to be done. She is an excellent communicator, speaking with clarity and emotion. She's also a wonderful musician and songwriter!
Response from the owner 20:23 17 Oct 25
Thank you, Jathan! You are a wonderful champion of others. I appreciate you!
Kathy Alexander profile pictureKathy Alexander
05:48 09 Oct 25
Lauren Hunter was incredibly caring and compassionate as she led my mother’s funeral service. She took the time to learn about my mother’s life and our family, offered kind guidance as we planned, and checked in often to see how I was doing. The service was heartfelt, personal, and exactly what my mother would have wanted. The music she performed was beautiful and added such a special touch. I’m deeply grateful for the comfort and care she provided during a difficult time.
Response from the owner 19:29 15 Oct 25
It was an honor to serve your family, Kathy! Thank you for your kind review.
Angelique McQueen profile pictureAngelique McQueen
19:23 08 Oct 25
Lauren was absolutely amazing for the family she helped serve!

From start to finish, her warmth, professionalism, and attention to detail truly makes any ceremony unforgettable. She takes the time to get to know the families and their loved ones life, and crafted something that felt perfect.

We couldn’t have asked for a better celebrant recommendation for our funeral home — highly recommend Lauren to anyone looking for a meaningful and memorable ceremony!
Response from the owner 18:47 15 Oct 25
Thank you so much for your kind words, Angelique! It's always a joy to work with the exceptional staff at Mt. Vernon Memorial Park in Fair Oaks.
Niamh Ann profile pictureNiamh Ann
19:37 26 Jul 25
Lauren Hunter is a truly exceptional celebrant. She stepped in during a very emotional and difficult time and gently guided me through the process of planning my mom’s service with compassion, grace, and professionalism. From start to finish, Lauren had a thoughtful plan in place and helped bring calm and clarity when I needed it most.

Her kindness and caring nature shone through every step of the way, and it’s clear she was meant to do this work—it takes a special person to hold space for others in times of grief, and Lauren does it with deep empathy and respect. I’m so grateful she was part of this important moment in honoring my mom’s life.
Response from the owner 18:39 30 Jul 25
Niamh, Thank you so much for allowing me to serve your family during a difficult time. You were a pleasure to work with and I appreciate your kind words. Blessings, Lauren

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